Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Back At It Again

Hey guys. Ha. I don't think anyone even read this here anymore anyway.
But anyway; Hello. Hi. How are you? Hope everything is good. Terribly sorry for abandoning this.
I am back at it again.

Experienced a bad disappointment today. Rejection, maybe?
Ah well, people tells me that's rezeki & that's true. But you can't help 'feeling' you know?
My luck is laughable to be honest.

Though if I actually sit down (currently laying down on the floor to be precise), it has been pretty good. I, uh, still am madly in love (oh the things I tell people who read my blog is not something I'd ever write anywhere else! Hah!), Umi is still pretty healthy & active for her age (I'm trying to convince her to start going for a morning or evening walk so she'll be more fit & can join her friends travelling - makcik makcik zaman sekarang rajin betul travel weh!), I'm officially unemployed but is still making money (the halal way don't you worry your precious mind about that).

Also, I turned 24. Shit. I didn't imagine this when I was 16 & writing some whiny entry here. But it's not bad. I'm doing okay, I guess.

I don't know whether I'm too positive or too husnuzon or just easily pleased.

Well, I'll be writing more here from now on cuz I need to flex my writing brain a bit more. Who knows if it'll be useful one of these days?


P/s: out of curiosity, if there's anyone still reads here, leave a comment on my last instagram photo or something. An emoji is cool, no need to say anything.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Life Update: I'm done with uni, now what?

Honestly too many things are happening all at once I lost track of time and stuffs.

Life is good and kinda bad at the same time (but not that bad, just kind of not that good sometimes); basically life is happening to me. I have a job that have nothing to do with what I studied for. Okay there is some kind of a connection but I earned a degree to basically write, not doing what I do right now. Not that I don't like doing what I do right now though. Hell I love doing this job. If I could earn a living and live well doing this I would do it. However, sadly I do not think that this is for a long term arrangement. I'm still on the grab and go phase where I do what I want and grab any opportunity that appeal my interest for a year before resorting to some 'real' job with a KWSP or a retirement plan or some kind of medical benefits attached.

Thing is though, a mutual friend were kind of in awe that I am 'chasing my dream' and lament that their life choices were made for them by their parents and now they are doing things that they are not enjoying at all.

'Chasing my dream' is not this though. My dream is always Parsons School of Art, Media and Technology, studying Photography but we all know that's not happening with my meager, barely-there talent (if there is any). That and 'Ambik gambar boleh cari makan ke? Boleh tanggung hidup ke?'. So yeah, frankly I am merely wanting to do something that I enjoy and get paid for it right now. And no, I have no clear idea of how to proceed. I have little dream or shall I say, musings, that if things go well maybe I could do so and so to expand but I don't know.

Sometimes this scares me a lot. My fellow graduating class are going places and I'm just, well, a potato (?). You get the point. But sometimes I'm just like, nah, this is fine, let me do me for a while. At the very least I tried doing what I like and want. Umi were (and still is, I think) worried but I promised that I'd get a proper job next year if my paycheck doesn't see significant improvement. S doesn't say anything, not yet anyway, haha. Friends are pretty supportive, some offer me the bitter pill of 'That's not a REAL job you know,'. Yes, this unreal job pays me a lot for a one working day a week, sucks to be you, go be bitter somewhere else. Fine it's not a lot, but considering the flexibility I get and that I don't have any commitment to shower my money on, it's a pretty good deal.

Life is okay for me right now to be honest. It's enough for me to get by and save a bit of money but it'll be nice to see improvements in the numerical area in my paycheck, and advancement in the field of what I am doing. Or maybe I would resort to some 'safe' job and be content with what life have to offer on that path. Or maybe my interest would shift and I would reconsider choosing a job that have to do with what I study for? But you know, at least I took my time to try doing what ever it is that I want, just so I won't regret it later on. Maybe I'll keep on chasing it, maybe not. But for me, rezeki pasti ada as long as you're willing to work for it. Maybe it doesn't translate to big numbers on the paycheck since rezeki is a lot of things other than money.

Who knows what I'll be doing this time around next year or the next five years?

P/s: I know we all have a different view on a 'job' and 'work'. Some sees it as something you need to do to live, it doesn't matter if you like it or not as long as the pay is good. Some, like me, have this wild idea of getting paid for doing things that you actually like or finding a pleasant job that suits us *gasp* Surprised? Yes, we exist. To be honest, I salute people who keep on doing things that they hated just for the pay. You have the heart of stone that is enviable to all the brokenhearted people. Yes, that's an honest and sincere compliment.