Saturday evening found me hitting rock bottom. The trigger was just a silly argument. I was tired, she was stressed.
I don't even blame her. My mind just could not take it any more. I closed the bathroom door and just could not hold it in anymore.
The floodgate were opened.
Sunday evening found me pulling strands of already-loose hair from my scalp and the weight of everything just made my knees buckle and suddenly I was lying on the floor, crying and crying and crying.
I was just so tired and fed up and worried sick. I have nobody to turn to.
Nobody understood, nobody came forward to say something to me, nobody was there.
It's not that nobody care, I know there are people who do care, but when I was at my weakest, I have nobody to turn to.
I felt so alone.
I cried and lie on the floor for the next half hour, my hands shaking and not able to move.
Maybe I was just at my breaking point. I was so busy I did not give myself time to stop and consume everything that had happened.
I went on, trying to block it out, ignoring everything. I ran away from it, I don't want to deal with it, or anything for that matter.
I refused to talk to anyone. Not because I don't want to. I tried, but people kept telling me I should not feel that way, as if my feelings are wrong.
So felt guilty for feeling certain ways. And I just stop telling people about it.
And I realized I just can't. And now there is nobody to talk to and it hurts so to keep everything to myself.