After all of the hurting and anger and other incidents that I prefer not to be mentioned here, I guess I have figured out some things out for myself.
I need to be okay first before moving on.
'Okay' here in the sense that, I am content with myself again.
I kind realized how unhappy and miserable I am inside and how I tried to drown it all out with what ever I can.
It's a slow process though, it's like, discovering something new about oneself. Which is weird because you are you and we always thought that we knew ourselves best right? But then, I feel like I need to move, not in the physical sense of moving, but in the sense of life. I'm not sure if it makes sense even but that's just how it felt to me.
I want to be happy with myself again. I want to feel okay again, happy even if that's actually achievable. Therefore I need to put myself first for now before taking anyone into my life again.
It's a constant battle though, reminding oneself to not be so sad or fall into the abyss again.
Not sure if it's a long way or not but I'm trying.
Wonder if this is what growing up feels like?